Excited, scared, happy, scared, sad…Tuesday, December 30, at 2:30pm I was an emotional roller coaster. I had my 40 week check up, and since my blood pressure was high the doctor sent us right over to the hospital for evaluation to decide if I needed to be induced.
I guess a big part of me was “ready”, as I had finished a couple errands that morning that I wanted to do before baby, I took a nice long shower, made myself all up, and even painted my toes! I had my hubby go to the doctor with me even, “just in case”.
On the way to the doctor’s office I was so nervous! Even if it wasn’t going to be that day, my baby would be coming soon! After all, my due date was only two days away. I was so nervous because I just didn’t know if I was ready yet, or truly ever would be. I know that sounds completely crazy. First of all, I was as ready as I was ever going to be! We had everything we would need for bringing baby home and the house was clean and organized. And like most women, a part of me was just ready to have this baby. I was feeling tired and big!
There was a part of me that wasn’t ready, though. That’s the part that wanted to hold on to this miraculous pregnancy forever. The part that wanted to carry our precious gift from God safe inside of me longer, to just have her with me. As much as my arms longed to hold her and all my senses were on high alert wanting to see her beauty, smell her sweet baby scent, and hear her little cries, my heart wanted to keep her tucked up in right next to it.
Pregnancy was one of the most beautiful, amazing experiences of my life. I was so blessed to have an easy and healthy pregnancy. Sure there was some sickness, and a few “typical” pregnancy things, but really I didn’t “suffer” at all. If I had believed everything I read I would have thought I’d be a pimple faced, sweaty, gigantic blimp always breathless, always tired, and always finding some new ache or pain or gripe. Heartburn, leg cramps, bad skin, exhaustion, crazy food cravings, swelling…pregnancy sounds like a thrill a minute according to the books. So I put the books away, put the negativity behind me, decided not to let all the “risks” and fears steal my joy, and instead focused on the beautiful miracle God had given us. God enabled my body to create a whole and healthy child. He enabled my body to bring forth a beautiful life to honor Him, and He entrusted one of His precious angels to us to parent. Those are the things that consumed me throughtout my amazing journey.
So when we arrived at the hospital and they told us we were staying I thanked God for my beautiful journey, asked His blessings on the road ahead, and began to look forward to finally having our little miracle in my arms, right where she belongs.